26.2 Thoughts I've Had Training For My First Marathon

If I haven't been annoying enough on my blog, I've definitely been annoying all over social media about my marathon training. I can't believe it's almost here! To relax myself a little bit and to remind myself that this has been almost a year in the making, I wanted to share with you all 26 thoughts I had throughout this process we call "marathon training."

1: I'M GOING TO RUN A MARATHON!

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As I've mentioned before, I'm slow. REALLY SLOW. So I was so excited to be accepted to run as a charity runner for Oxfam America. It's also a really cool thing to tell everyone "Hey! I'm going to run one of the most popular marathons in the world!"

2: Wait. I'm running a marathon.

oh shit gif

After the initial excitement and bragging wears off, I realized I not only signed myself up to run 26.2 miles but to also raise $3,250 to run it. This GIF above is basically my reaction every time I check my fundraising status. (For the record, I'm $600 away, so... you know. You should probably go donate.)

3: But it's for a really great cause... So...

hodgins bones me gif

This makes ME (the GIF makes sense now right?) an awesome person! *Humble Brag* But seriously - it's for an amazing cause to help people who live in poverty all over the world. What more could I ask for? 

4: I need to go buy new running gear.

help me i'm poor gif

Aaaaand here is where I start talking to myself...

New running gear means spending money. Which will inevitably make me poor. Proper running shoes aren't cheap and you can't run without proper running shoes. So that's that. And oh, new bra! I have to have a new sports bra right? And new socks. And new shorts. But maybe it'll be cold - so I should get capris. Whatever. I'll just run in what I have. Ooooooh! Fuel belt!

5: Alright. Time to get down to business.

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Got my gear. Got my training plan. Hell yeah. I'm totally ready for this! Gonna train all the days, not going to miss a day. Yep! I am going to be a MARATHON RUNNER!

6: Rain? Wind? Storms? Humidity? BRING. IT. ON.

kim possible rain

Yeaaaaah. Cause I'm totally awesome. Just like Kim Possible here. I can weather ANYTHING. NOTHING will stop me from my training runs.

7: UGHHHHH. WHY IS IT SO HOT?!

pusheen too hot need ice cream

It's so hot. I can't breathe. Is this normal? Is this even safe to run in? WHY IS THE SUMMER PUNISHING ME?! Excuse me sir, can I have some of your water please?

8: What was that? Omg.

Did I swallow a gnat? Was that bird poop? WHAT JUST WENT IN MY SHOE?! Why do I torture myself with running outdoors? You know what, I'll just stick to the treadmill. Yeah. That works. I'll watch some TV, be in A/C... this sounds like a plan!

9: Okay, #Dreadmill time!

I have TOTALLY got this. Got my headphones on. My iPad is ready with some movies, TV shows, podcasts, Ted Talks - what better time to catch up on this right? And I have an even MORE awesome idea: I'll cover the mileage with my iPad so I won't be tempted to keep peeking at it. It'll surely make the time go by faster right? Right.

10: It's been 5 miles right? ... 0.50 MILES?!

Whatever. This treadmill is broken. There's no way. Cause I've definitely been on here for like at least an hour already. *looks at time* 20 minutes?! IS THIS SERIOUS?! Ugh. Running outside is SUCH a better idea. I'll run outside from now on - the fresh air will do me good. I can put up with the tourists, dog poop, gnats. Yep.

11: I'm totally going to wake up at 5am on Saturday so I can get this run in.

I want to spend time with my fiancé and still have our normal Saturdays. So I'm determined to wake up at 5am. I'll get my run in, we'll still have time to go get brunch! This sounds like the perfect idea. YEAH!

12: What do you mean it's time to go run? The sun isn't even up yet.

ana bedhead gif

If the sun isn't up, I'm not getting up. What psychopath said they were going to get up at 5am to run? That definitely wasn't me. I'll just rest my eyes for a little bit longer and I'll get up later to go on my run.

13: Where is the nearest bathroom?

Okay. So i can't exactly do the "pee pee dance" during a run. But you get the point. Most of my longer routes were based on whether or not I knew there was a bathroom within reasonable distance. 

14: Okay cool. Back on track. Where the hell am I?

Shit. Okay. I took a wrong turn. Where am I? Oh GAWD - AM I IN A BAD NEIGHBORHOOD?! Retreat retreat! STRANGER DANGER! (Kidding. I made a pretty good job at making sure I didn't venture off into areas I wasn't 100% sure of my safety. But there were definitely a couple times I've paused my run and texted my fiancé to ask if it was a good idea to take a turn on a certain street. Usually those texts were answered with "No.")

15: I missed a run.

I'm going to die at the marathon now.

16: I missed a run.

Brunch and extra cuddle time was damn worth it. Besides, 3 miles won't make a difference right? Right.

17: Is it too late to quit?

But seriously though. How about we just pretend I ran the marathon and we can all be happy campers. I don't know if I can do this. I CAN'T EVEN GET THROUGH 8 MILES WITHOUT DYING. How am I supposed to do 26.2?!

18: I am going to be a health machine!

I'm going to calculate out how much percentage carbohydrates, proteins and other stuff I need! And easily digestible carbs! Yes. I am going to optimize my body to be a mean, lean, running machine!

19: Mmm... do I smell... FRench fries?

Hello, Sir. I'm so terribly sorry to bug you in the middle of your brunch but you're asking for this by dining outside. Can I please have a french fry? I sweat on it already. I'll just be taking it. Thanks.

20: I think I should try out a gel pack that isn't chocolate flavored! Be adventurous!

WHAT WAS I THINKING?! Why do the fruit flavors all taste like carbonated hot mess?! Why do the sweet flavors taste so sweet?! Arghhhhh. But I paid for this already (see #4). Lesson learned: Don't be adventurous.

21: I just ran 20 miles.

F*CK YEAH! I ran 20 miles! And I didn't die! I've totally got this marathon thing. I am GOOD TO GO! 

22: *cough*

Shit. Am I getting sick? I better not be. It's three weeks out. I'm fine. I'm sure it's just allergies. I'll take some allergy medication and I'll be fine. Everything is going to be ooookay!

23: I have f-ing Bronchitis?!

My marathon running is over before it even started. What am I going to doooooo?! Oh. It's acute? I should be okay in like a week? Oh phew. Okay. Sorry for overreacting.

24: I'm so close to meeting my fundraising goal! woo!

Woo! My future mother-in-law is the best! And everyone who's totally helped me network and spread the word about my fundraiser. I've totally got this. One less thing to stress about! (You still have time to donate! Click here!)

25: I. Am. Ready.

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Damn right. Between the pep talks and the constant questions this week... I'm finally ready. I'm excited. I can't wait to pick up my bib on Saturday. Who cares about Halloween?! I get to run the five boroughs of NYC on Sunday! And then i get to tell everyone I ran a marathon!

26.2: What race am I running next?

Who cares if I haven't even crossed the finish line yet? I need to sign up for another one. Disney? Should I do Disney again? Yes. I should do Disney again. Maybe I can attempt one of those 10K + Half Marathon races. I should be able to do that. Psh. What am I saying? I can totally do that.